The Ducks Get A Family Picture

The Ducks Get A Family Picture

MrsDuck had been asking (begging, clamoring, threatening divorce..) for us to get a "nice family picture", since the last one was two years ago and both ducklings were too young and were in random states of motion in that last picture.

("See that blur on the right? That's <Duckling2>!")

So, we got a friend (Dave) of MrsDuck's sister, who really is a professional photographer, to come to our house and take our picture. MrsDuck's sister does photo manipulation/restoration, so I'm pretty sure I'll come out looking like Ahr-nold when the final prints are produced. We'll also have the several cuts and bruises touched up that the Ducklings usually inflict on each other on an hourly basis.

Not that we have a lot of guests at our house, but MrsDuck (Ms.Type-A Personality Deluxe) likes to leave a nice impression. At 2AM Sunday morning, she was b*tching about getting the inside of the microwave oven clean.

Duck: "Um, Dear?"
MrsDuck: "What?"
Duck: "I don't think Dave will be looking inside our microwave oven when he gets here...come to bed, would ya?..."

Duckling2: "Cow?"
Duckling2 is making progress in talking (3+ years old, but not speaking at that level yet) and he's finally shown an interest in potty training! Okay, I'm not going to do a re-run of Dave Barry's recent potty training article, but this is something that we've been waiting for...or so we thought. What does THIS have to do with the family photo?

At random times, D2 will "make a deposit" into his diaper, then completely remove all his clothing and run around yelling, "COW! COW! COW!". If he's just wet his diaper, no big deal. If it's poop, then...blechh...

Sunday morning.

Duckling1 (five years old) has been dressed for her picture since 6AM.

D1: "Mommy, help me get my dwess on pwease?"
MrsDuck: "Uh...it's 5:30 and the sun isn't even up, Dear."
D1: "Oh...well can I have an owange juice then?"
D2: "Heh-wo Mommy Cow!"

So the Ducklings are up. The weekend has been pretty quiet except for D2 removing diapers and clothing at random moments during the day, including at the furniture store!

Dave arrives at about 11:30, and proceeds to set up. We corral the ducklings, re-do their hair and clothes for the 15th time this morning.

Dave: "Are we ready for the picture on the couch?"
D2: "COW! COW! COW!", D2 runs by naked as a jaybird.
Dave: "I guess not..."

We catch him, threaten to duct tape his Pampers to his behind, then re-dress him, and we all get seated on the couch. D2 is showing no interest in the activity, nor is looking anywhere NEAR Dave to be able to have him look at the camera.

Dave: "Say 'Cheese'!"
Duck, MrsDuck, D1: "CHEESE!"
D2: "SPPPPT! Cow?"

We try to make D2 smile at the right time, which of course is about as successful as trying to thread the needle in a running sewing machine.

I finally remember!

Duck: "Say YAK!"
MrsDuck, D1: "YAK!"
D2: "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
<click!>

It works, after about 15 minutes of test shots and infinite frustration, we get Duckling2 to smile WHILE the shutter is open!

So the next 30 minutes go easy, almost:

Dave: "Say YAK!"
Duck, MrsDuck, D1: "YAK!"
D2: "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
<click!>

However, that only lasts for so long. We reposition ourselves for a few pictures on the stairs, on the couch, in front of the front door.

Just for fun we set up a few shots of Duckling1, a blond, blue-eyed, 5-year-old girl, going on 16, positioning herself next to the stairs. She goes into more poses in one minute than Elle MacPherson ever did in her lifetime...

"COW! COW! COW!"

Yup, Duckling2 comes running by, but Dave has learned to ignore this distraction. Unfortunately, Dave has also ignored the diaper left on the floor next to Dave's lighting tripod. And it was not a "wet" diaper, if you know what I mean.

I start to reach down and pick it up, but Dave starts to walk around the side of the tripod.

Duck: "Dave, wait a min...OW!"
Dave: "Wha....?...."
<THUNK™!!!>...<CRASH©!!!>
Duck: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
D2: "COW! COW! COW! POOP?"

Dave had just stepped on my hand, just as I was picking up D2's poopy diaper, my fingers get slightly crushed, Dave lifts his foot quickly as he can, if not for the fact that he is hurting me, but also he has a "deposit" on the bottom of his shoe as well and he hops away...right into his lighting tripod!.

Well, fortunately, none of the lighting equipment was seriously damaged, just 3 fingers of my right hand, Dave's shoe, and a spot on the carpet, which Dippy the Wonder Dog® decided to roll in. Blecch...

Hopefully we'll see the proofs next weekend and hopefully I will regain feeling in at least one of my 3 fingers by then as well.

I hope MrsDuck got a good deal on this photographer...next year we're going to WalMart.